To Support and Heal Rather Than Condemn

My second talk given on August 26, 2012

To Support and Heal Rather Than Condemn

“What a difference

One

Can make.

The tossing of a single stone

-Just one-

Into the sea of life

Forms endless ripples

On the surface.

Ripples reaching far

And wide

Which manifest

The power of one.”

Poem by Camille Nugent from May 2012 New Era

        One stone tossed forms endless ripples, how these effect one’s life is up to you. Was it in support or condemning them. To condemn is to declare the act to be reprehensible, wrong or evil usually after weighing evidence and without reservation. I’d like to compare the stone to the seed in Alma 32:28 “Now we will compare the word unto a seed. Now if ye give a place, that a seed may be planted in your heart, behold, if it be a true seed, or a good seed, if ye do not cast it out by your unbelief, that ye will resist the spirit of the lord, behold it will begin to swell within your breasts; and when you feel these swelling motions, ye will begin to stay within yourselves it must needs be that this is a good seed, or that the word is good for it to beginneth to enlarge my soul; yea; it beginneth to enlighten my understanding yea it beginneth to be delicious to me.” Often times when thinking of stones being tossed at someone it is bad, however like the seed stones being tossed in the proper way can be beautiful in which the ripples become a great change in someone’s life. When someone is struggling in life possibly heading down the wrong path, doing and saying things they shouldn’t. They may already be feeling the consequences of their actions, feeling the spirit pulling away from them or may even be gone. This is a crucial time where stones need to be tossed carefully and properly for if they do not have the support they need to heal their ripples will continue into muddier and muddier waters. Condemning them many times pushes them into these muddy waters faster. I think Dieter F. Uchtdorf said it well “with this in mind, let our hearts and hands be stretched out in compassion toward others, for everyone is walking his or her own difficult path. As disciples of Jesus Christ, our Master, we are called to support and heal rather than condemn. We are commanded “to mourn with those that mourn” and “comfort those that stand in need of comfort.”

While supporting one through tough times do not overlook the sins that have been or are being committed. Help them understand why what they are doing is a sin and they need to make every effort to bring an end to their actions. Let them know you will be there to support them in any way you can and if needed, you will help them seek more qualified personnel.

            Often we focus too much on the sinner and not the sin. We get caught up in thinking how bad the “person” is, that they’ll never get in to clear waters. When our focus needs to be on the sin being committed and helping the sinner to get into the clear waters they were once in. Heavenly father cares for each and every one of us no matter what we do. As Proverbs 17:17 says “A friend loveth at all times” we need to show them love just as the lord does.

            So in what ways can you support someone who is sinning?

       One way is to keep in mind you yourself are not without sin which is why you should not condemn. In John 8:1-11 it talks of when an adulterous woman is brought to Christ. Jesus went unto the mount of olives. And early in the morning he came again into the temple and all the people came unto him’ and he sat down, and taught them. And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery. And when they had set her in the midst. They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act. Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou? This they said, tempting him that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not. So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, he that his without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her. And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground. And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst. When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, woman, where are those thine accusers” she said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, neither do I condemn thee: go and sin no more” If Jesus isn’t going to condemn someone nor should we. The last 5 words of that scripture are important “go and sin no more” and brings me to another way of supporting.

            A person can not simply stop committing their sins and everything be fine and dandy.  They must repent of the sins. In some cases they may need help. One important part of repentance is confessing their sins. They must be confessed to the Lord and serious sins also need to be confessed to the proper priesthood authority, which can be difficult. Going with the person to meet with the authority is a great way to support them. Also after their meeting with the authority make sure they know they can not go back to doing what they were doing. They need to “go and sin no more”. This however can be easier said than done especially when temptation is around every corner.

            Help get rid of these temptations. One of my favorite ways to get rid of stuff is burning it. When the missionaries started coming to my house and teaching me, my freezer was full of liquor and my fridge full of beer. As they were teaching me and I commited to baptism. It became very apparent I would not be drinking anymore and we needed to remove the temptations from my house. Instead of just throwing it in the trash where I could easily take it out after they left. They poured it in the fire. Bottle after bottle and can after can. Who knew alcohol burned so pretty? My favorite drink was always amaretto sour, when the amaretto was poured in the fire the flames turned this really pretty green and shot up high. So now my favorite thing to burn is amaretto. Don’t worry I haven’t bought any just to burn it; I also haven’t bought any to drink. Having the support of the missionaries while doing this was so helpful. To see how happy they were that I was willing to make these changes helped me to want to do more. Seeing the alcohol burn helped close that chapter in my life and begin the healing. Getting rid of the liquor and beer also freed up more space for more important things like food, not just pickles, wine, beer and peanut butter.

            Be a shoulder to lean on, be there when they’re stressed out and need to talk. This can be done in a few ways. You can listen over the phone sometimes at weird hours, well normal hours to me. They may need to get some stuff off their mind to be able to sleep, or are in a situation that may lead them back to their past sins. Be patient and listen, often you don’t need to say anything, just need to be there to listen and maybe give a little input. Going on regular walks and talking is also good. Not only does this help with staying healthy exercise also releases endorphins, the body’s natural feel good chemicals, which have been known to give a “natural high”. Which is much better than any other high.

            Plan activities or to hangout during times that would be more susceptible to committing sin. I’ll always remember “bored soldiers do stupid stuff”. There are so many things I did or saw when we didn’t have anything to do overseas that should have ended very badly and some did. I won’t even begin to give examples because I don’t want to give any of the kids ideas and someone get hurt. Keeping busy doing good stuff can keep a lot of people out of trouble. It can also keep your mind off of things that are going wrong and would possibly lead to you sinning.

            Once the difficult time the person is going through is over they may not need you to support them as much. This is when the healing continues and will continue forever. As they heal their ability to resist temptations and resist sin will grow and situations will become easier. Remember to continue tossing stones of encouragement to help them continue in their new life in clear waters. Keep in mind that sometimes it is needed to go into muddy waters to be reminded just how good it is to be walking the right path.

“What a difference

One

Can make

The tossing of a single stone

-Just one-

Into the sea of life

Forms endless ripples

On the surface.

Ripples reaching far

And wide

Which manifest

The power of

One."

     Without my muddy ripples I wouldn’t be who I am today. I hope to use those experiences as examples to our young women that it may look fun and seem fun at the time but ultimately it isn’t. Walking with God is always a better choice. In the words of Mother Teresa “I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast out a stone across the waters to create many ripples”. I have a testimony that stones tossed correctly and in a supportive manor can be a beautiful thing. I thank Heavenly Father every day for sending the missionaries to me to toss gospel stones in my sea of life forming the endless ripples that got my life back on track and have brought me standing before you. I’m thankful for their support through such an amazing change in my life I couldn’t have done it without their support. 

I’d like to leave you with a question to think about.

 “What ripples will manifest from the stones you toss?” 

In the name of Jesus Christ Amen.